A Window Into Their Hearts
by Cenobia Vigantzky
Summary: In a nondescript point in time of an unremarkable timeline, Shinji Ikari has his best day ever by letting go of his fake self. But one person's happiness is another's pain. Shinji x Kensuke (It makes more sense in context.)


This is a work of fiction. Evangelion is a registered trademark. All rights reserved by Gainax, Hideaki Anno and Studio Khara

* * *

"Gott in himmel, Third! Would you quit your bitching! _We_ need to do this sort of stuff all the time to look our best, so get used to it. Your roots aren't even thick! Mine draw blood when I pull them!" Asuka huffed in frustration. She would finish doing this girl's eyebrows if she had to punch her unconscious to keep her still.

"Sorry Asuka, I-Ah! I know, it's just that I'm not used to-Ah!" The Third Child answered between hisses of pain. Today had left them with a vast respect for the degree that girls went to to look nice.

" _Christ_ , there we go, they're done. Just a little bit of eyeliner to do up here. Hikari?" The redhead didn't bother looking, instead focusing on keeping her fingers perfectly steady for this crucial step.

"Nails are done, just a minute or two to dry now." The class president fanned her handiwork to accelerate the process. It's not often she felt proud of something so simple, but, being honest, this was her best job yet.

Before long, both girls stepped back from their subject and did a final check. "Alright, everything done. Turn around, Baka."

The pilot of Unit-01 finally opened their eyes and turned to look at the full-length mirror that had been lent to her for this occasion. Her eyes widened immediately at the sight.

"This is... me?" A few careful movements had her turn around to both sides, checking the outfit her friends had selected for this day: A knee-length skirt in pastel gray, a pair of stylish yet practical leather boots without much in the way of a high-heel, and a lopsided top in dark blue that accentuated her slight figure. Thin silver hoops for earrings and a simple black choker with a small heart pendant gave a final flair, fitting perfectly with her shoulder-length dark hair in a loose bob.

"That is you after some elbow grease from the nicest girls this side of the Greenwich Line. Still you, though." Asuka couldn't help but smile. Her fellow pilot was _beaming,_ something she until this day thought absolutely impossible with that person. If she had to be honest, that made her look even prettier. And she had helped to accomplish it.

"Have you settled on your real name yet?" Hikari felt divided in being incredibly happy for her friend, and also slightly jealous. Even she rarely looked that good.

"...Hanako." The girl looked at her own reflection like it held the biggest revelation of the universe. Nodding to herself, she repeated quietly. "Hanako."

"Hanako what? Aida? Doesn't sound that bad, actually." The Second Child grinned, crossing her arms. Now more than ever, she had the **right** to tease the girl. At least a bit.

Blood instantly flowed to her face, with the heart rate in the triple digits to match. "That's! That's not funny, Asuka-san. I know he's only doing this for a favour to me. I can barely believe he even accepted in the first place." Hanako's face fell. "Maybe he won't even show up..."

Fate decided to prove the poor kid wrong immediately when the musical sounds of a doorbell echoed through the apartment. If Asuka's grin got any wider, it'd reach her ears. Hikari moved to greet her friend's date, giggling of excitement the entire time.

"Alright." Asuka grabbed the last part of the outfit who had been prepared beforehand, to match the boots. "Purse." The less experienced girl obediently set the strap around her opposite shoulder.

"Time to get going. And don't you _dare_ lose that, understood? It's my favourite one." Her... friend? Protégé? Apprentice? Nodded nervously. The redhead held her firmly by the shoulders,staring into her eyes.

"Relax. Try to have fun, okay? The whole reason we're doing this is so you can enjoy this day." Hanako closed her eyes, taking deep breaths while she clenched and unclenched her hands. Finally, she opened her eyes, looking back at the Second Child.

"Alright. I'm ready. Asuka?"

"What now, Third?" It sounded clear that the pilot was doing her best to suppress her annoyance.

"Thank you. This is... the most anyone has ever done for me. I'd give you a hug but;" The brunette smiled sheepishly and extended a hand instead.

Vibrant blue eyes almost rolled out of the girl's head. "One time won't hurt. I don't bite, you idiot."

She pulled her second best friend into a quick but heartfelt hug before physically pushing her towards the door. "And stop stalling, your date is waiting."

Kensuke already felt nervous ever since waking up today. Shinji had quite literally saved the word several times over, last but not least in the team effort at Mount Asama. Going along with this request would be the _least_ he could do in return, he just failed to mention that it'd be his first date ever. And it's not like the pilot looked bad either, especially since letting his hair grow out. But Hikari's wide grin and utter silence since opening the door started to freak him out. With footsteps approaching from inside the apartment, he swallowed hard and stood up just a bit straighter.

'Visual Novels, don't fail me now.'

What he saw appear being a shockingly attractive- and there was no other way to say it, - _girl_ , who happened to have the same hair and eye colours that his friend had.

"Shinji?" The sheer disbelief in his voice made said girl blush and look at her shoes, the definition of nervousness.

"Hanako. And don't just stand there staring, tell her what you think. She went through a lot of effort for you." Hikari corrected in full class-president tone.

"Hanako. Got it. You... fuck me, you look gorgeous." His brain still reeled from what his eyes were transmitting to it. He had imagined that they'd be able to pull something like this off, but not to this degree.

"Language, Aida-kun." Hikari huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose. The idiot stood there and gawped, while their work of art struggled to make eye contact and fidgeted.

"I'll take one, thanks." What did Hikari say again? Didn't matter. That beautiful, shy girl standing there and blushing would to be his date. His first date. Holy shit. He felt so out of his depth.

"Oh um ficks willen-" Asuka grumbled before hurriedly walking over and fiercely slapping the air between the two, the loud crack bringing both back to reality. "Dummkopf. It's just Kensuke. You've known him for almost a year. He's not some prince charming. _Go._ "

While the girl tentatively stepped over to be at her date's side, the German redhead glared at the boy. "Nerd-stooge. You make her cry, Section-2 will have to scrape off your remains with a _verdamnt spatula_. How Copy?"

The bespectacled boy returned a surprisingly crisp, if still wide-eyed, salute. "Good copy, Ma'am!"

"O-oh. Hikari? Thank you so much as well. I really don't have words." So instead, much to the pigtailed girl's panic, she did a deep and violent bow.

"Gods, Hanako, don't!" She rushed over, getting the girl to stand again and carefully readjusting some of the hair strands that had come out of place; "Please try to avoid harsh movements, the fixing spray isn't magic."

"Sorry." Said girl mumbled, looking down. The usual apologetic reactions were something that a simple makeover wouldn't change.

"Hey, it's alright. Me and Asuka have one and a half decades of experience. You have a few hours. Now, you two need to get going. Have fun!" With a pleasant smile, she closed the door to keep them from stalling any longer.

"I have to say, I'm kind of surprised. Since the day Shinji told you about this whole thing, you've been a lot... less annoyed at him. And very supportive." Hikari felt genuinely proud of her best friend lately.

"Hanako, and her." She corrected her friend like a second nature. "And; I don't know. I guess it just made her personality, click for me, you know? It all makes sense now. Hard to get angry at someone when you know the shit they're dealing with." The redhead shrugged while moving to the kitchen to make some juice for the two of them.

"I feel like there's some context I'm missing." She maneuvered around her friend to grab two glasses.

"A friend from college, Erika. She's just like the Third, although much further on her treatment. Also one of the few people in that damn place to treat me like a peer and not like a little girl playing adult. We had some physics classes together. I think she went into Aerospace Engineering. Huh. I should check if NERV R&D are hiring somewhere, give a recommendation." The pilot wondered absentmindedly, her body on autopilot while she worked the juicer.

"You're a good person, Asuka." Hikari smiled. This was the person she knew her friend could be when she really tried.

Said friend looked at her like she'd just mentioned the sky was blue. "Of course I am. What about it?" All the answer she got being a shrug. "Wanna go some rounds on Street Kombat 3?" She didn't wait for an answer however, already heading to the living room with her glass.

"You just want to pad your number of wins." The somewhat conservative girl had actually taken something of a shine to the fighting game genre, even though the redhead still trounced her effortlessly when trying.

"Not true, I'm training you! We need to all go to the arcade one of these days, I want to watch you combo jock stooge into speechlessness!"

* * *

"S-so. Uhm. Where- where to?" Her voice sounded higher and softer than what Kensuke felt used to, but then again, this could be her actual, natural tone without needing to 'fake' it. In the week since his friend asked for the 'favour', the military enthusiast had done some proper research on the matter. It would be still his first date, still with someone he cared about (and since he'd seen her a few minutes ago the type of 'care' in his mind and heart felt all over the place). It was something he wanted to go well.

Kesuke cleared his throat, summoning up some of the bravery that, if somewhat hidden, still existed. "Well, I thought maybe some ice cream to start? And then, if you want, there's a movie playing today that I think you'll like." His smile felt somewhat shaky, but still better than he thought he'd manage. Less shaky than the hand he offered to her, at any rate.

"I; yes. I'd like that." Her heart hammered inside her chest, but she took his hand anyway. While they walked through the sunny streets of Tokyo-3, her elation at finally being free kept fighting with her fear of someone recognizing them, of the whole thing to come crashing down.

The inside of the Ice Cream shop felt like a welcome reprieve to the girl, not only from social anxiety but also from the recently-learned fact that makeup made her feel the post-impact heat more than usual.

Kensuke ordered his favourite, chocolate, and Hanako was about to order vanilla like every other time before before she stopped in thought. She just used to order vanilla because of it being the simplest choice, the one that meant people didn't pay attention to her, didn't think about her, just let her go by without being noticed. Because if she wasn't noticed, she wasn't hurt. Thats what "Shinji Ikari" was, a malleable shield against pain.

She forced herself to be whatever people expected her to be, because maybe that way they'd like her. Maybe that way they'd show her kindness, even. Yet, all it got her in the end being misery. No one truly _liked_ Shinji Ikari. They, at best, tolerated him. And, for the first time in her life, she _wasn't_ Shinji Ikari. She was Hanako. Herself. What did **she** like?

Time to find out.

"I'll have a cream and shavings, please." Her voice sounded barely audible, but the brown-haired, gray eyed waitress that looked only a little older than the two of them picked it up effortlessly, writing the order in her notes. "Oh, you'll love it! We use proper chocolate for the shavings, none of that cooking chocolate stuff, they're my personal favourite! Alright, be back in a minute, no funny stuff under the table, hmm?" With a grin and a wink, the odd girl walked off to take more orders.

Which left the duo to blush and try not to look at eachother while still attempting to do so. At least until Aida decided to try something.

"There's something I'm curious about, Hanako. When did you find out about... well, things? If you're okay with talking about it, that is." She could see it was an honest question from the boy.

Looking back into memories, the girl looked for any specific moments.

"I always felt something, off, about me. I kept dreaming about being reborn as a girl, kept wondering just how much better it would be. For as long as I can remember. But I thought that was... normal. I mean, girls are just so much better, right? Who in their right mind wouldn't want to be one? Then a year or two ago I read some manga and one of the characters was someone; like me. And I finally understood that it wasn't normal, that I was different. Born wrong." Her smile looked pained with the knowledge she'd gained. She'd never be able to fix her body completely, but she had to do _something._ Anything to not have to live a lie anymore.

Kensuke had to consciously remind himself to close his mouth after hearing his best friend open her heart like that. He really knew so little about who this person sitting in front of him was. Maybe his movie choice would be a massive failure.

* * *

"That's it. I know where he's going." The man in the big screen threw up his hands in exasperation, looking at the map/poster he'd pulled from the wall seconds before. While the scene changed back to the red deserts of Mars, he watched Hanako while she whispered to herself with wide eyes and a smile, her attention glued to the screen.

"Are they? No way... it couldn't be." The girl leaned on the edge of her seat. 'Alright, that part was still true.' Her date smiled to himself. He felt _really_ glad to have remembered the one poster on his friend's bedroom wall.

"Just a reminder that it worked for more than twice the planned mission duration-" A middle-aged man hurriedly explained to his colleague while they walked inside a warehouse, stopping in from of a big object covered by a tarp. "Let's see it then."

The stranded astronaut's smile was eclipsed by the young girl's when they whispered in unison.

" _Pathfinder._ "

Kensuke almost flinched back when she started _squeeing_ and gripping his hand tightly. And they said he was the nerd. Still, seeing her this happy made his heart warm. Which in turn made him realize that dear gods, he was a sucker for cute girls. Who happened to be one of his best friends. Who also happened to be a badass giant mech pilot.

Well, his heart felt right fucked, didn't it?

* * *

The sunset-lit walk back to her apartment passed, filled with small talk about eachother's favourite scenes in the movie, their hands woven together the entire time, while Hanako wore an open smile. The longest time she'd smiled in her whole life, in fact.

So this is what actual happiness felt like.

Yet, before long they stood in front of the door to Misato's apartment, the very concept of the door a sign that all good things must come to an end. Still, Hanako decided to look on the bright side of it.

Looking at her friend, she bowed deeply, not caring now if her hair got messed.

"T-Thank you so much for this afternoon, Kensuke. This was the best day I've ever had. I'm sorry if I did something wrong, there's no need to do it again if you don't want to, I'll-" Despite her desire to keep in mind the good side, her natural tendency to expect the worse got the better of her in the end, and the boy knew he had to interrupt her train of thought somehow.

So he came up with a plan. A stupid, stupid plan. The best worst plan he'd ever devised. And that was saying something.

He gently cupped her cheek with his free hand, bringing her face back up and lightly touched his lips to hers. His heart screamed about fifteen different things at once, his mind around twenty, and he shook like a leaf on the wind. After a second or two, he felt her relax, a small moan coming from her throat while she pressed their lips together a bit more.

Hanako Ikari's train of thought had derailed in the most spectacular way possible. Her insides were doing backflips, yet after the initial panic her brain had switched into autopilot, her body finally experiencing something she had dreamed of so often yet had thought to be beyond her. It felt so faint, yet overpowering on all of the senses.

* * *

Asuka Langley Soryu watched with excitement through the one-way peephole on the door. Apparently the date had gone even better than expected, the Third and nerd-stooge breaking the kiss after a while, stammering and blushing at eachother. She couldn't feel happier for her friend.

So why did she also feel angry? Why did she felt like a ball of ice had settled in her stomach?

Why did feelings have to be so fucking complicated?

* * *

Well, now this is something that came out of nowhere. It grew from Kensuke's reaction to the mention of a crossdressing Shinji in Cat and the Puppy chapter 12 and was meant to be a mere Omake to that chapter, but the idea just kept getting more and more complex, with Shinji becoming an actual trans girl; Hanako, that I decided to make it it's own one shot. It's a bit off of left field and bittersweet in some areas, but I hope you enjoyed! I'd love to hear your thoughts about it via reviews.

It'll remain as a oneshot, a mere glimpse into one of the endless Evangelion timelines. A Window Into Their Hearts.

Thanks for reading! Ciao!


End file.
